Stretching and Making Strides

I'm kind of amazed right now. I've been thinking about the fact that it's been almost a year since I have started doing something that I never dreamed I'd make a regular part of my life...exercise! Anyone and everyone who has never made that a part of their life can say without a doubt that they will never enjoy it nor do they even desire to even start to do it. Well, I remember over a year ago desiring to just simply desire it and I remember praying for God to somehow miraculously help me become a regular worker-outer (how's that for a word?) After dealing with depression and anxiety after my 3rd daughter was born and going through marital struggles, not to mention carrying and birthing 3 kids, and just forming poor eating habits out of survival over the past 15 years or so, I figured working out may be something that could spring me back into a somewhat active lifestyle and help pull  me out of the rut I had been in for too long. I mean, who says exercise is bad for you, but how many people say they love it?

Well, lo and behold, here I am a year out from that little desire that came in and though I've had my share of lulls out of the gym for weeks at a time, I am still a member of a gym and still am getting up there a few times a week at least, if not 3 or 4 times at best...and I ran/walked 3 miles on a trail on Sunday out of my own will!! Who am I and where is Bethany? But I really can't say that any of this has come about out of my own strength OR my will truthfully! I believe it's just an answer to a prayer that I prayed fairly regularly for about a year after I saw this one naturopath doctor 2 years ago for depression and anxiety. She said that exercise needed to be almost a daily thing for me and at the time I just laughed inside as I knew that would be an impossible feat. Me? Exercise almost every day? Well, I am now 2 years out from that time and have actually gotten to the point where not only do I exercise, but I actually somewhat enjoy it. and I've learned how much I love to dance again in the process by taking Zumba and other dance classes!

Many people actually roll their eyes when I talk of my exercising because really I've never been one to struggle with my weight. I've never been obese so why in the world would someone feel such a strong need to exercise if they aren't overweight or obese? But I notice that there are people of all shapes and sizes at the gym, and they are all going toward the same goal...to be in shape, or for some, to stay in shape. So let me just tell you, just like our spiritual lives and exercising our faith, exercising our bodies is always a good thing, even if on the outside it appears one doesn't need it. Sure there are those we can point fingers at and say they need to get in shape physically and even those who are downtrodden spiritually. But when it appears that someone has it all together spiritually, does that mean they just need to put their faith on the shelf and hope they still keep up with the race that God has them on? It just doesn't work that way, does it? In order to build our faith, or to some, keep our faith strong, we must stretch it constantly. So to add to that here are a few other things that God has had me do over the past year that seemed impossible other than exercise and it has definitely kept me stretched and challenged in my faith and kept me in the race so to speak:

• He had me start a prayer group for the first time in my life in which I've had to depend solely on Him for as I have felt so inadequate and ill-equipped to lead out most of the time.

• In September of last year my husband and I began to co-lead a class at church, another challenge for sure.
• Tim and I attended Discovery in Jan, Feb, and March, (see post "Hearts Alive" from January) which was a huge leap of faith and going thru it stretched my heart in ways I didn't even know it needed...and from that experience, I have been challenged to stretch myself more and more by pouring my heart out to people like never before. I could add a whole other post about that. Learning how to give my heart out to others freely has been quite a new road for me, but has been very vital to my growth.
• And then there's our finances in which we are literally living by daily right now...trusting God to provide all our needs as they come, not knowing what will be next. Stretching out the bank account and my will power to not spend money is quite challenging at times for sure.
• I've just started challenging myself with my diet. Cutting back on a lot of stuff starting this week. On day 3 right now. We'll see how it goes....

So all that to say, this past year has been a year of stretching, exercising, building and challenging me to do things that I never thought possible or that I thought I could ever talk myself into. And I can say that I am forever grateful for this leg of my journey because it has thrust me out of the status quo and put me into the game of life more than ever...and allowed me to see the true heart that God gave me. And that takes a heart of pure trust in Him and perseverence that I also didn't know I had before.

^"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil. 13:14

Taming the Imagination

So I don't do well when I don't get responses from people when I'm talking to them or sharing something important with them. Uncomfortable pauses or silence makes my skin crawl really. I know I have been accused more of being the master interrupter, guilty as charged...sigh! And I know it's for two reasons. One, I don't like to forget a thought I'm having when I want to speak it. And in past experiences, if I try to wait for the opportunity to speak, many times, by the time I get the opportunity, the conversation has gone in such a different direction that what I wanted to say wouldn't make sense and therefore I don't usually get the chance to speak. And if I do it anyways, I get wierd stares, like "what does that have to do with our conversation"? It's all a matter of insecurity really. And not wanting to be overlooked. So I've coped with that by getting my 2 cents at the expense of others trying to speak and finish a sentence. I do it with God too.
Do you see where my brain goes too often? It's more about when I'm gonna get my little shining opportunity to be noticed and not about being a good listener at the expense of never getting a word in edge-wise...and being ok with not being able to speak. I really hate my brain sometimes....well more than sometimes. How selfish I can be if I let my mind take over where it doesn't need to go...without taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. And of course those around me suffer for it. Am I really ever gonna want listen to others as much as I want others to listen to me? I'm working on it, really I am.
So moving on, I've been reading through one of my favorite books again this week,"Walking with God" by John Eldredge. Eldredge is probably my favorite authors of all time. I totally get him, the things he wrestles with, His view of the reality of the spiritual realm, (his love for nature is one thing I haven't grasped to his extent, though I'm growing into a much bigger appreciation for that even) and I love the kinds of communication that He has with God. And "Walking with God" is all about our communication with God, and how little we let Him in on the details of our lives. But it gives a very practical and powerful approach to how we can let Him in on every detail and see the fruit of this life of simply walking with God constantly...and communicating with Him about everything...down to whether I should speak when I want to. Many times the answer is probably "No" but I fail to ask Him first.

This also deals simply about our imagination which is all about the mind. Eldredge talks about how we people don't realize how quick our imagination can take us into a place that is completely and utterly in the hands of the enemy. Imagination is a gift, but can also be a tool for the enemy to get a foothold in if we let him. I'd never put much thought to that til this week. And God has been revealing to me how much that has been something the enemy has been really dwelling in too much lately for me. I'v probably put my heart out on the line more in the last 5 months than I have in a long time in order to hopefully reach out others and also be real with them about where I'm at in my life, and ultimately I have not received the responses I've been hoping for. So when I pour my heart out to God or someone else, and don't get a response, or maybe not the response I wanted, my imagination goes wild...to my own detriment. Really, I'm just trying to fill in the empty spaces but somehow it always ends up being on a more negative bent.

For example, I start doubting the heart behind that response or lack thereof. Then the enemy goes to town on me really. Why don't these people trust my heart? What part of me makes what I have to give so hard for others to receive? And before I know it, I'm on a tailspin of feeling hurt, rejected, abondoned, overlooked, and ultimately just all around unimportant and unfruitful, and the worst is feeling the inability to hear from God correctly. Oh that I may know His voice with confidence! When I do something that I feel God has told me to do, or say something that's on my heart that God has poured on my heart to give out, and it goes all wrong, there comes the doubt that I can't even hear from the One who is my ultimate teacher and guide. Did God really tell me to do that? Did I misunderstand? Talk about a path that leads to destruction. If we can't trust that we can hear from the One who we depend on, then what?
So what about when God is completely silent. What do we as control freaks tend to do when we don't feel we are getting a clear answer? Either we worry and fret about it until we get an answer, or doubting Thomas come in and things God just doesn't care, or we start taking action in places we have no business taking action in before God has even given us an answer. But sometimes God will say, "Go for it!", and then we start doubting our ability to even do what He has given us the go ahead to do, and the very thing we asked Him to give us an answer in. Poor God! I'm so glad I'm not Him because He deals with a lot of crap from us, doesn't He?

Well, Eldredge says it well when says what we are to do with this wild imagination in trying to fill in the blanks that leave us unsettled and that is:
To bring it under the rule of God, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Because if not, it will be unfettered, reckless, and therefore unsanctified.
"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". 2 Cor. 10:5

So to finish this off, here is an exerpt of a prayer that Eldredge has in this book that I am praying a lot these days and over time, I hope that this crazy imagination of mine will ultimately be used for His glory and not for my destruction:
"Lord Jesus, I come to you to be restored in you, to be renewed in you, to receive your love and life, to take refuge in you. I honor you as my Sovereign, and I surrender every aspect of my life totally and completely to you, (this is where I will list specific areas that need surrender as God reveals them, like my "imagination", "discouragement", "doubt", and anything else He reveals).
I give you my body, soul, and spirit; my heart, mind, and will. I cover myself with your blood, and I ask your Holy Spirit to restore my union with you..." By the authority and power of Jesus Name, Amen.
Let's begin together to tame the wild horse that is our imagination thru surrender...and experience the sanctification that God is wanting to accomplish in this area...and ultimately live out the mind of Christ!

More on Prayer

I'm building on the last post regarding prayer and how we treat it. Lately, God has been little by little changing the heart of my prayers to him. For a long time, I struggled praying period because I felt way too selfish in my motives to even lift anything up to God about whatever was on my heart. I was always praying in a way that seemed pointless and really not in line with how God would have me pray them. My husband then was introduced recently to a beautiful prayer that had a complete heart of surrender to it. I've been actively praying it nearly every day. It really has opened my eyes to how skewed my prayers had become because many times they were always based on my wants, my desires, my motives, etc that were simply self-serving. I mean I knew that I did that before, but didn't really know how to pray sincerely with a pure heart and then expect pure results from Him or what to look for...and accept the answers or lack of answers given.

Well, Jesus says in Matthew 6 clearly that we are to keep our prayers simple but also in a position of giving over control and manipulation to get God to do what we want Him to do. We can ask for His daily provisions, for answers, to protect us from temptations and the enemy, but in the end admit to Him in our hearts that all the we are and all that we have belong to Him and it is about His will and His purpose in the end. So in that, as I'm learning to pray more in this way, I'm also finding that a surrendered prayer definitely  is the most freeing way to go...and one that will open my eyes to see God in ways I couldn't before.

Jesus says in Matthew 6: 9-13, Pray, then, in this way:
         'Our Father who is in heaven,
         Hallowed be Your name.
    ¹⁰'Your kingdom come
         Your will be done,
         On earth as it is in heaven.
    ¹¹Give us this day our daily bread.
    ¹²'And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
    ¹³'And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Simple but pointed but recognizing God as the head of it all.

But then you see the ultimate surrender prayer from Christ before His crucifixion:

Matthew 26:39 And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will."

How often are we able to have this heart that Christ has...and how can we have it? I'm finding that as much as we don't like to admit it, it is through the impossible circumstances and when we are at the end of ourselves, that we tend to be most likely to surrender everything. So sometimes when we ask to have the pain and suffering removed, we are asking for Him to remove our surrendered hearts as well...and ultimately we will miss the joy and freedom of what He might do with that surrendered heart despite our circumstances. So I have been taking on the challenge of praying with surrender and being in awe of God and His mighty plan that is so much bigger than my wants, desires, and pleas for relief from difficulties. It is then that I believe we will see our true desires and wants met...because God doesn't ignore the true heart that He gave us.
I may be off some in my thinking, I don't know. But that is just what I have come to discover in this part of  my journey. Surrender is hard, but necessary for a liberating life in Christ.

A Word on How We View Prayer

Another great reminder from Wilkerson on how we view praying and what we see as answered or unanswered prayers. This really spoke to me. I've been struggling lately on how to pray the things I want to see happen vs. surrendering it all to God's will....it's without a doubt a pure journey of faith!

WILL MY PRAYERS EVER BE ANSWERED?


I believe in Holy Ghost timing. In God’s own time, all our prayers will be answered—one way or another—but the trouble is, we are afraid to submit our prayers to Holy Ghost scrutiny. Some of our prayers need to be purged because often our faith is misspent on requests that are not mature. We do not know how to pray, “Thy will be done.” We don’t want his will as much as those things permitted by his will.

Abraham exercised his faith to keep reminding himself he was a stranger on this earth. His blessing pact produced only a tent to dwell in, because he put all his faith in that city whose builder and maker is God.

Were some of these faith warriors not living in faith? Did God refuse to answer some of their prayers? After all, not all of them were delivered and not all lived to see answers to their payers. Not all were spared pain, suffering and even death. Some were tortured; others were torn asunder, wandering about destitute, afflicted, and tormented (Hebrews 11:36-38).

Some who had a reputation for having great faith “received not the promise”

(Hebrews 11:39). Those who did “obtain promises” used their faith to work righteousness, to gain strength in times of weakness, and to put the enemy to flight.



Don’t worry about whether God is saying “Yes” or “No” to your request. Don’t be downcast when the answer is not in sight and, please, quit concentrating on faith formulas and methods. Just commit every prayer to Jesus and go about your business with confidence. He will not be one moment early or late in answering, and if the answer you seek is not forthcoming, say to your heart, “He is all I need. If I need more, he will not withhold it. He will answer in his time and in his way. And if he does not fulfill my request, he must have a perfect reason for not doing so. No matter what happens, I will always have faith in his faithfulness.”



God forgive us if we are more concerned about getting prayers answered than in learning total submission to Christ himself. We do not learn obedience by the things we obtain but by the things we suffer. Are you willing to learn by suffering a little longer with what appears to be an unanswered prayer? Will you rest in his love while patiently waiting for the promise?

The Great Escapist Victim

I'm sure many can relate to this, but I tend to be the type who is really quick to want to escape from reality of my responsibilities. This is where addictions happen really. I know my husband and kids can attest, the computer is the number one thing I run to as a source of escape.
But I'm also the type who is very aware of the wrong choices I am making each moment I make them. So I'm not completely ignorant to what I'm doing. Actually, I am aware so much that I am really good at beating myself up about it, self-loathing in my own pit of my own yuck really well until I finally tell myself to buck up and get over it. But that isn't fixing the problem obviously. It's still just avoiding it only to see it happen over and over.
As I've been reading through a book called True-Faced, which is about taking off our masks that we think are covering our sin, and trusting God and others with who you REALLY are, I have been made aware, as recent as yesterday, that I really don't let God tend to me in my sin areas like I should, hence my escapist tendencies. That's a mask really. I know the sins are there, but if I can just escape from the things that bring it out, then I can pretend they aren't there and not have to feel bad about myself and maybe no one else will see it either. Because that's about as far as I've gotten when I face my sin areas, just feeling bad about it. So I escape into things that enjoy to make myself feel better. Ugh! This is the world's way of doing things. And we know where that gets you. Right into more sin and the hands of the enemy!
So today I finally got real with God on a whole new level. It didn't feel good but I had to do it. Granted He knew it already, but I had to get real with myself and confess it to Him so we could work on this TOGETHER once and for all. I finally faced something that hurt really bad to have to say but knew it had to be dealt with. And that is the fact that I don't really enjoy spending time with God. Oh I am quick to run to Him when I need Him, but just enjoying His presence at any given time? I'm still not there. Because if I was, my actions would show it. Really, He is usually never the first thing I run to. It's usually the computer, or getting out of the house to escape from the reality of my responsibilities, being with friends, eating out, or spending money I shouldn't...blah, blah, blah. God is usually my last resort....ouch! But there it is...out in the light. And guess what, I didn't get struck by lightening?
But I also had to confess that I don't enjoy spending time with my kids like I should. To many, that may seem proposterous to not want to be with them. Or maybe you can relate. But in reality, who can quickly bring out our sin nature more than our own kids? See, our kids mirror us when you think about it. So if we are sinning in some areas, they ultimately will follow. Truthfully, I never lost my temper until I had children. It completely threw me for a loop. I didn't know I was capable of such thing. And I never really dealt with it the right way by letting God take a hold of that part of me when I was aware. I just kept letting it happen hoping God would forgive me each time and ultimately and unkowingly was blaming my kids for my temper. Now THAT is proposterous. So now 11 years and 2 more children later, I'm good to make it through a day without lashing out at one of them for some rediculous reason.
And this is where I had to confess that for the same reason the "escapist" comes out, I have also put the "victim" mask on. The temper flies out when I feel wronged in some way. It happens in my marriage too. So that victim mentality is one more thing that ultimately keeps me from facing my own sin. It makes others look like the sinner, not me. I've been wearing that mask for way too long but this one I didn't even realize it was a mask. I just thought being hurt was being hurt and it was rightly there. But when you think about it, who really wants to walk around feeling hurt all the time? And on another level, does God want me to walk around like this?
So the good news is, WE are made in GOD'S image, so we can come boldly into God's arms, so He can lovingly care for our hearts the way they need to be cared for, and walk us through the sins that want to keep us in bondage.  And if we say we can't go there yet, confess it, face it, and let God help you deal with the lack of trust you feel toward Him. God is just waiting for us to come to Him JUST AS WE ARE so He can reveal Himself to us and transform us into His likeness.
For me, I need to stop escaping from him, but to Him, start trusting Him with my own sin and stop playing the victim all the time and just face the fact that I am a broken, sinful person, who needs Him as much as anyone else in every moment of every day. I can say it all day, but will my actions reveal that I truly believe it? I hope one day they willl. He wants to help me face every part that is broken and work on it with me, not to overwhelm me and condemn me, but to heal and renew the real me and ultimately help me find freedom and joy in every part of my life.

Pure Deception

I feel I haven't posted in ages. But I guess it hasn't been as long as it feels. The past month feels like a year truthfully. You know that song "I get knocked down, but I get up again, nothing's ever gonna keep me down"? Well, I'm in the process of picking myself back up again from a pretty heavy blow I've taken recently....known as the blow of deception. And it's knocked the wind out of my sails quite a bit.

How did I get into this mess? Well, I got myself into it thinking all the right intentions were there, following my BIG dreams of fulfilling my purpose, thinking this would be part of my path to fulfilling my heart's desire, and in the middle of my vulnerability of it all, an individual was introduced to me from a trusting friend. And it appeared that this individual was just what God brought me to come alongside me and help me along after a sincere prayer I prayed to Him. It all looked great and exciting at first. Our purpose seemed in line with each other. She was giving me great insight, knowledge into my own heart, and even prayed some powerful prayers over me. But then a red flag would pop up here and there, but no one's perfect, right? So I'd let go. Then another one, but we don't want to judge and she's human so maybe God is working on her with that. Then the red flags started getting too hard to ignore, and suddenly it was revealed to me and ultimately through my husband that this individual of good intentions is walking in pure deception and taking others with her through this ministry that she is trying to get underway in this area. Scary, huh? Great intentions, and a good heart, doesn't always lead to truth. Because this lady has a good heart and I believe loves the Lord. And it scares me to death now to think of how many people like this are walking around leading others astray with what looks right. I am just so thankful that God was taking care of me all along, and opened mine and my husband's eyes before things got out of hand. I also think God allowed me to take this path as a learning experience and word of warning! So I don't believe it was a mistake that this happened. There's a purpose for everything.

Get this. A few weeks ago, God actually gave me a great word picture of what happens when our eyes go astray, and try to look to others or even our own understanding to stay on the right track with God. He gave me this before I even met this individual that I've been speaking of. You tell me if this isn't timely:
I take a dance/exercise class each week. And one thing that God showed me is what happens if I try to look at myself in the mirror or the other individuals in the class to get my moves right and not the instructor. Everyone has their own version of what all the dance steps are. But the instructor is the one who leads with all the right, original moves. If I start looking to someone on my right or to my left, suddenly I find myself doing it my own way or how someone else does it....then before I know it, I'm off track...and ultimately will get lost in the dance. But as soon as I look at my instructor again, I get back on track.
I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. I like to think of God as the instructor. God wrote the original Word, therefore we have to wholeheartedly keep our eyes on Him for Truth..and to keep in the step with His Spirit. Not to say He doesn't use others to help us along and I have many amazing friends who have helped me stay the course, but I know now more than ever that God's word will always keep me going in the right path...and hopefully I can ultimately bring others in that path that ultimately leads to Him and His truth!

So what did I learn from this whole experience? Get into God's word daily!! Test the spirits from those that come in your path that are teaching what they claim to be His word. In the end times, the enemy will come as an angel of light. Really, as far as this lady is concerned, her heart is in the right place, she loves the Lord, but her :truth" is a bit twisted. It's actually not truth at all! And we have to be on watch for that whenever people speak into your life. So I guess take this post as a word of warning. Not to bring fear but to bring an awareness and hopefully a new motivation to dig into God's word more, to seek Him in all that you do, and test the spirits that come in your path. And last but not least, put on that armor that God has so freely given!

The Armor of God


Eph. 6: 10-18
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

A Word of Hope

This is a beautiful word of encouragement for those who have lost hope in whatever circumstance you are in. I receive an email 'gem' each day from this author, David Wilkerson. I hope this blesses someone today:

THE WAY UP


I have known of great Christians who have experienced a trial so dark and deep that life itself seemed almost not worth living. In his very darkest hour, Jeremiah discovered a glorious truth that brought new hope and assurance to his mind. It was something he already knew about God, but it didn't touch his soul until he came to the end of himself. He discovered that at the very bottom, God was there! The farther down he went, the more God was to be discovered. God was not to be discovered up there in some blissful soaring into untroubled skies, but in the shadows of grief and despair. When Jeremiah hit bottom, he bumped into God! He fell hard against the faithfulness of a compassionate God. Listen to his discovery:

"God is a God of compassion...his compassions for me cannot fail.... They are new every morning...great is his faithfulness..." (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Little by little, Jeremiah came to realize great truths that can only be discovered by those who are down.

1. When I am at the very lowest point; when troubles flow over my heart like water, and I say, "I am cut off," God draws near and whispers, "Do not fear!"(Lamentations 3:54-57).

2. When God seems to have "covered himself with a cloud, so that my prayers could not pass through," he will still see my oppression and will “judge my case” (Lamentations 3:44, 59).

3. If the Lord allows grief and sorrow, he will at the same time uphold me with abundant compassion and love (Lamentations 3:32).

4. God is not against me, trying to crush me under his foot when I'm down like a prisoner in trouble (Lamentations 3:34).

5. God is not trying to sabotage any of my plans; he is not causing my confusion; he is not working against me (Lamentations 3:35-36).

6. Even in my despair and bitterness, when I hated to face a new day, his compassion failed not. His mercies were waiting for me, new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

7. Because God is always faithful, he will not cast me off. He will do right by me and save me (Lamentations 3:25-26).

8. When I am at my lowest, I have nowhere to turn but to God, so I will lift up my heart and my hands, and thank him for his faithfulness! (Lamentations 3:40-41).

9. Being down has spent my strength and hope. I am left empty and humbled, so now I depend totally on his mercies! (Lamentations 3:18, 20-22).