Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Real Me

Ha...I made you look. JK. I'm sure some of you can identify "the real me" way better than I can.

No...really, I'm going somewhere with this though...I think. So last Thursday night, I went to see Natalie Grant in concert and though there are several songs of hers that she sang that night that I really enjoy regularly, there is one that she sang that I really hadn't listened to a lot before Thursday night. But I immediately added it to my ipod playlist afterwards because of how deeply it spoke to me then. And it just happens to be the song "The Real Me", thus the title to this post. I actually was so hoping I could put in on the top of my playlist on this blog too so it would be playing as you read this, but no such luck as it wasn't an option to add...bummer! It's really been in my head often though since Thursday night and the words have really touched me quite a bit. You can find it on UTube easily to listen to by the way.
The theme of the night during her concert that I grasped was about finding our true identity through the our personal Creator, which is of course, God (and Jesus, as Faith would say. She always says the two together).
So Natalie spoke a little about the temptation that we all have to let our standards for ourselves and our identity be dictated by what the world says we should be...yada, yada, yada. And how it is always a struggle to listen to the One voice who is calling us to listen to Him over everything else, who knows us inside and out. For He is the One who created our inner-most being and He knows us more than we or anyone else can ever know about us. And that brings real hope to me, friends.

The words to this song say it so clearly:

The Real Me
Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache,
will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

[Chorus:]But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence

But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see

When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me

I have been through a phase over the past few years where I really felt like I lost who I was in so many ways. You may not have noticed so much or may have noticed more than I realized. I was so immersed in trying to be a good mom, good wife, keep the friends I had, among other things, yet inside I felt like a failure in so many ways and someone that couldn't find a purpose anymore besides keeping my kids fed, clothed and bathed on a daily basis, and trying to keep my husband happy enough to still love me despite my shortcomings. I know, it's sad. I've still been having ups and downs with it even now and I know some of you have dealt with that same so that's why I'm addressing this. I've considered myself a pretty open book with my friends, so don't think I have some deep, dark secret that I'm about to reveal, I guess it's just that, like all of us, I am still a work in progress on so many levels, and sometimes it just feels as if this life here on earth leaves me walking in circles and not on a straight path to somewhere.
Well, I've had to come to realize that the only way that my true identity and purpose will be revealed to me is when I am listening whole-heartedly to my Creator and allowing Him to mold me and make me into His image the way He intended to. If someone were to ask me to explain my personality, what others see in me, how I'm perceived, etc., right now, I really can't give a clear answer because I've allowed way too many thoughts come into my head that I'm sure are not from my Creator. But that's my own fault for not being with Him enough on a daily basis. And I'm ashamed to say that I have believed too many of the negative thoughts. I'm working on weeding them out but also having to embrace the areas that He really wants me to work on, whether I want to or not. It's not easy, is it?
But for today, one thing that I can say that I am sure of is that I am a daughter of the King, a new creation, and that Jesus is trying to break through the walls of unbelief so He can pour into me all that He knows that I am. And what pours in must come out. Therefore, if I want the things to come out of me that are of Him, I absolutely have to empty out the junk, and let Him fill me with His truth and His life so that my life will reflect "the real Christ" who lives inside of "the real me".

2 comments:

More Than Conquerors said...

for what its worth.. I love who you are.

The Engelhardt 4 said...

So very true. I'm sorry I missed the concert, I forgot about it! oops. I loved spending time with you on Friday and I can't wait to spend more time with you on Saturday. Keep up your hard work...you'll get those weeds pulled. I have some pulling to do as well.....ugg. Thanks for writing your heart and being so eloquent about all that is going on. Hugs.