Hmmm...

Well, I'm up at 6am on a Saturday morning trying to figure out what to do with myself since I really just rather be sleeping. Tim is off having a great hunting, fishing, and camping trip so I'm on full-blown doggy duty this morning. Mocha decided that 5:45am was her wake-up time this morning (and of course she has been sleeping later on weekdays...figures). But I think it happened because Rebekah decided to try to come into my room and climb into my bed at 5:45 this morning only to wake up Mocha. Needless to say, we have implored Rebekah not to do that anymore since any sign of a human being up and around gets Mocha thinking it's time to get up. Oh well, such is life.
Anyways, life is doing ok around here in the Waters household though. We have had our ups and downs since Tim's father passed away on Sept. 1st. And yesterday would have been Mike's 56th birthday, so it was a tough day. So Tim is walking through the process of grieving over the loss of a father as I've been trying to learn how to be a supportive wife of a grieving husband. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I've had to remind myself over and over from the beginning that what he needs from is completely different than what I would need from him. We are wired so differently as men and women are. So I have to constantly put myself into his shoes and try to figure out what he needs and that is just not easy. What has been real tough too is that I've missed my husband in certain ways. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why I've lost a companion for a while. Yet I'm a quality time person, he is not, so when you throw in the grieving he is going through, quality time pretty much goes out the window altogether (unless I get on my knees and grovel for it...lol). Not his fault at all, but it still doesn't make it easy on me. Of course, life is not about being easy is it. And life is not supposed to be about me either. I've been pretty ashamed of myself since the beginning of the month at how selfish I can still be even when my husband is going through what he is going through...oh, the joys of living in the flesh.
On that vein, God is teaching me a lot about that as I've also started a new Bible Study this fall with our women't ministry at church. I'm doing "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore and boy is it shining some light on things that I didn't know were even there! We are only in the 3rd week and I keep thinking, "Is there actually more?". This is so much already!
Last week, the study was on the obstacles that hinder our fullness in Christ. Woh!!! Was that an eye-opener. She covered on: unblief, pride, idolatry, prayerlessness, and legalism. These things are direct counterparts to a full life in Christ, which are: belief in God, God's glory, satisfaction in God alone, peace from God, and experiencing God's presence. So long in short, I discovered I need serious work on all of this!!! I'm sure we can all find some way in which those obstacles are a part of our life. You know when you think you are doing pretty good in your walk with God and WHAMMO!, God wakes you up to reality? It's like in the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns when he says "Be careful if you think your standing, because you just might be sinking". What a powerful statement!
So now I'm going through feeling overwhelmed at what he has revealed to me this past month, and I'm still having to walk this out every moment of every day. So it's time to cling to God with all that is within me and trust that I will grow through everything that has transpired in my life, one moment at a time.