This may be kind of a ramble so bear with me if you will. I really haven't posted much since that high I was on after Discovery almost 3 weeks ago. Well, as we know with highs usually comes lows shortly thereafter. And I've definitely had my taste of lows over the past week or two. Depression, fear, doubt, you name it has pretty much hit me in the face due to circumstances, questions, confusion, etc. So hopefully this post won't confuse others as I try to get my thoughts out.
I think the one thing that keeps ringing back to me when I'm trying to sort through the ups and downs over the past few weeks is, "Am I trying to put God back in a box (in my mind) that He has never been in the first place?" I still can't wrap my mind around some things that I experienced at Discovery...nor can I ever really put it into words as I describe it to other people. I usually get cross-eyed stares and even rebukes about the things that I experienced there so I've just stopped bringing it up to avoid heady conversations....lol. I know what my heart experienced though and really only I and God can know it to the depths what that was. Therefore I still believe God moves in mysterious ways a.k.a (outside the box) and sometimes we have to accept that that's "the final answer". Point being for myself and others, DON'T TRY TO FIGURE OUT GOD WITH OUR MIND! HE IS WAY TOO BIG and our minds are way too small!! He is infinitely able to work and function in any circumstance...anywhere, with anyone, even if we don't understand how or why...but we must be in the position to receive what He has for us, whatever it is, wherever it is.
I think (and tell me if I'm wrong here) one the biggest traps of the enemy is to make us believe that we can figure God out as we're getting to know Him. I just am speaking from experience here. If our minds are trying to wrap around God, we are gonna get nowhere fast because it's gonna make us confused and frustrated. God is too big for our minds!! Too much!! How freeing it would be if we would get to the point of understanding that. But what is a subtle tactic of the enemy is that we think we're merely getting to know God by trying to figure Him out. So I believe we need not mix up the two. It's a trap...at least of me and my over-analytical-ness (is that even a word? :-) )
Only our heart can know God intimately. And knowing God intimately comes from His promptings, His drawing of Himself to us, His revelations to us, His will, His plans. If we aren't sensing Him doing so, we start trying to figure Him out. Talking about digging ourselves a hole. Not to say we aren't to pursue Him. We are. But we are also to let Him reveal things to us when He knows we are ready for it, not when we think we are ready, or what we want to hear.
I also want to address this regarding the Bible. By us trying to figure out everything that God says in His word in our understanding is simply gonna make us get frustrated and want to throw the Bible across the room ...at least it does for me. Am I the only one who struggles with that? Some scripture can give me the all good fuzzy feelings while another can make me want to hurl all over myself and also question God's character and His thoughts toward me...but only if we let the enemy use it against us. But instead of tossing it across the room, we can ask God to reveal why we are feeling that way. What is our mind getting wrong that our heart needs from Him?
Another example, the enemy used scripture against Jesus during His test of temptation, but Jesus had God's wisdom and God's heart ready to to hurl it back at the enemy like a torpedo. What would happen if that was us? The possiblities are endless really...because God is that big! Doesn't it make complete sense then to say that anytime we begin to open up God's word, we need to wholeheartedly pray for the Holy Spirit to guide us through it with His wisdom and His understanding? Otherwise, our feeble minds and the scheme of the enemy will ultimately yield it fruitless to even crack it open.
Ok, did I just chase a rabbit?....
So in a nutshell, my challenge for myself and others is to let God outside of the box (since He's not in there anyways), stop trying to figure Him out, and ask Him to reveal Himself to us in ways we will never be able to wrap our mind around and sometimes not even put into words, but that our hearts can't deny. Only then, will we know God intimately and see His HUGE heart!
Let the other questions be answered when we get to heaven...;)