Well, after a grueling week of being tossed around emotionally by some really incompetant nurses at my OBGYN office, having tears of sorrow and loss after being told we lost the baby, then having hopes risen up again for 4 days in fear of them being squashed again while the nurses tried to figure out what the heck was going on with me, it turns out that we indeed are still having a baby..phew...and I'm still exhausted!
This has been a huge test for me of whether or not I can really still stand on what God was putting in mine and my plethera of friends' hearts about the outcome of this despite what the nurses were telling me. There was something deep inside that still wanted to believe that there was a baby still there and I held out until I got the right answer. It all came to head when I prayed desperately for God to grant wisdom to these nurses who were perplexed by some inconsistencies of the medical side of it. On big factor in this fiasco is that my doctor has been out of town this whole time so there hadn't been an actual physician overseeing my case this whole time, just a nurse practitioner...red flag! But after I had prayed for wisdom, the NP finally consulted another OBGYN in the practice on Thursday about the situation and that's when things started finally coming together and we learned that the inconsistencies were only due to lack of judgement on the NP's part in this.
We should NOT have had any ultrasounds until my hormone levels had reached 2000, but they had given me 4 prior to that which was completely unnecessary. And the NP made the wrong diagnosis Monday based on the ultrasound. So when the doctor got wind of my levels going over 2000 on Friday, lo and behold, we went in for an ultrasound again and WALA!! A BABY! They also confirmed that I am not as far along as my dates say I am, which was throwing the NP off as well. She for some reason wouldn't take that into consideration, but the doctor confirmed that I am only 5 weeks instead of 7 and everything is right where it needs to be for 5 weeks...so HALLELUJAH!! We're having a baby!!
But to be truthful, my heart is still working up to the rejoicing part. I am having shake off the emotional roller coaster that I have been through the past week. Everyone around me is rejoicing with us, but I have some things to wrestle with still for sure. I am thankful, I am. But I am actually having to ask the Lord to put my heart at ease and bring out the rejoicing that He wants me to have. Because my flesh is still fighting some fears of what is still to come.
But He is so faithful because He has confirmed to me today through a Bible Study that I am doing currently, that it in obedience and trust that my rejoicing will come! And that He delights in our glad hearts. He has given the wisdom and discernment to the doctors that I totally asked for...and has brought new life back into my heart and has sustained a little life in my womb that I could not have made happen on my own!!
I also don't want to forget to mention that this baby has been bathed in prayer by countless prayer warriors over the past 2 weeks and I have no reason but to walk in thankfulness and a glad heart for what God has done thru this. The amount of love and support that has swelled up around us by our dearest friends and family and from people that we don't know as well but are friends with through facebook...it's just a humbling thing and something we hope to never forget or take for granted. I only hope that we have the opportunity to pay forward to others the unconditional love and grace that was poured into us by our loving Father and by our amazing friends and family, because we could not have gotten through this week without it.
We serve an awesome, living, breathing God who wants to live and breathe into our lives at our deepest time of need...and that is when the "new life" He promises really takes root!
Today is the first day of a new chapter in our lives...let the rejoicing begin!
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18