Confidence....this is an area that I have struggled with my whole life. It is very easy for me to believe myself as one who can't possibly rise above a daunting situation, whether big or small, or be capable of believing that my opinions, decisions, or whatever are the right ones. I don't know where this all started in the 34 years I've walked this earth, but nonetheless, I easily fall into a trap of low self-worth and not feeling I amount to much when it comes to worth. The enemy knows that this is something he still can easily knock me on the floor about. I hate it but it's true. And I want to find the root of it but I can't.
Right now, I'm hurting. For some reason, I have fallen into a mentality that once again what I think or believe don't have much merit to those that mean the most to me. It's easy to speak these things to people I don't know or those out there that I know will encourage me in it, but to be vulnerable to those who's opinions mean a little too much to me, when you know there's a chance they might be in disagreement or be quick to crush your confidence, is sometimes too painful to brush off and still receive the grace that God gives.
There are scriptures after scriptures about only having confidence in Christ who dwells within us, but I can honestly say I haven't come to grips with how that plays out in my struggles. I need to know that what I have in my heart matters, that what is stirring up inside is worth hearing, or that decisions I make will be the right ones at some point. My decision-making skills lack because of all of this. I just need to know that there is still grace attached no matter what I think or do, right or wrong.
Jesus taught grace, plain and simple. And I have no doubt that he gives it to me every breath I take. I'm just still working through how to respond when grace isn't given by people here on earth. And am not sure at this point if I can handle the possibility of being given judgement throughout life in areas that I need grace the most.
I'm sure the enemy has a lot to do with where I'm at right now, but God wants to reveal something through it. I know it! I just don't have eyes to see it just yet.
Lord, open the eyes of my heart so I can see you.
"The beloved of the LORD dwells in safety.The High God surrounds him all day long, and dwells between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12
About Me
- Bethany
- I am a wife and stay-at-home mom. I have an amazing husband and we have been married 13 yrs. I have 3 beautiful girls. They are 11, 7, and 5. I am beloved daughter of Christ and I believe the heart God gave us is an endless vessel for Him to pour Himself into so that we can pour out His love to others. I have a heart for God's people who are hurting and lost, to help them find their identity in Christ and turn their pain into a purpose. This blog is about the condition of my heart from time to time...and what God is revealing through it.
Why the Title?
When I receive properly the truth that I, a sinner, am still "beloved" by our God who is so vast and so mighty, it makes me stand in awe, and brings me to the place that He wants me, where I am receiving my true identity through Him.
4 comments:
would you believe this is something I struggle with too? God is slowly revealing to me that even if someone knocks down what I think to be a truth or even just an opinion doesn't mean it's not what is right for me (or those around me)... homeschooling has been on thing I've had to stand up for, I know it's not right for everyone else and so I won't push it on anyone but it is right for us and yet when someone questions why we do it I still find myself feeling like I have to justify it.
The crazy thing is that on the flip side I'm also learning or at least trying to learn how to express my opinion without offending someone else or causing them to struggle or anxiety. It's like what we were talking about the other day about "D", while it might cause me pause or concern it doesn't mean it's not a useful thing or what is right for someone else, it could just be His way of saying this isn't for you and yet I think I run off at the mouth without thinking sometimes.
Sometimes I wish he could just seal my lips like Zechariah, wouldn't get myself in trouble... sorry if I rambled, just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Love you Sis!
Thanks Shelly for this. I'm sure there's more people than we realize that struggle with this. Sometimes lack of confidence comes out in different ways due to personality differences. When we get into the mode of being really opinionated or in debate mode about certain things, it usually means we don't really have the confidence in ourselves yet to rest in what we believe, therefore feel we have to justify it to others in order to help justify it for ourselves. Funny how that works. It all goes back to who we're seeking approval from, doesn't it? Love you sis. I appreciate your heart and encouragement.
can the glory of the king
be the glory of a woman...
thoughts related to proverbs 25
the glory of god is to conceal a thing, the glory of a king is to search our the matter
well for one believers in jesus have a king who has searched out all matters and thru the holy spirit that teaches all things ...universal salvation is available to all by what he suffered for our sake if one becomes convicted of one's sins and repents and accept the holy spirit...
ahh but here comes, where most believers think not.... the greek new testament can be interpreted that hell is not eternal damnation...so if part of your down is possibly in some way connected with concerns about such... a site that does a good word study on the matter is tentmaker.org...not that u r worried about going to hell but some u know that according to what some teach on the bible they could be doomed to eternal suffering ..well enuf for now as i might have reached my 4000 some characters.. let me see...
part 2 of the infamous anonymous :)
and to go on
about some of what i think is concealed that most christians are not able to grasp is that reincarnation is part of the bible salvation plan....
and it enables more to be redeemed..perhaps not all this round before and after the 1000 year rule of jesus and his saints but there could be another salvation plan put in place after that but why not help as many as one can to avail themselves of what is available this round...
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