Rising Hope...

Things are a little better but still have some confusion and aimlessness that has not completely gone away. When I try to pray, my thoughts seem disjointed and like my words don't makes sense to me, but I have to trust that God still knows what I'm trying to say. He knows my heart better than I. I'm thankful someone does for sure...especially Him.

Last night, I had a great heart-to-heart with my husband. We seem to be going through similar frustrations and confusions and I don't find it coincidental now that I know it is happening simultaniously between the both of us. So my conclusion is, our home as a whole is under attack. That's the only conclusion I can come to. But it's not the kind of attack that is obvious to identify...like a job loss, or a death in the family, or a sin issue that has surfaced again, or someone doing wrong to us. It's a subtle, almost unidentifiable thing, which is almost more frustrating. I think the enemy is trying to attack our character and make us doubt that who God says we are in Him is actually true, which makes us doubt God too.

A few weeks ago, Tim and I were challenged and felt very convicted in some things in our lives that we felt we need pray over. Just some different approaches on how we are to do things, what we are to do about them, and what our purpose is in them. What needs to go or what needs to change, so we can be wholeheartedly in the center of God's will?  We were in one accord about what we need to pray about. It seemed clear of what God wanted our focus to be in our prayers for our family. So I don't find it just coincidence that the enemy is trying to distract us from what seemed so clear to us a few weeks ago. Now it seems like a distant memory and there's a sense of "maybe we just aren't cut out to do what He wants" in my mind. And the enemy knows as long as we entertain that thought, we are sure to stay bound up and in a fog, only to remain outside of God's perfect plan. I have to remind myself too. God doesn't walk away from us. We are always the ones walking away if we so choose.

One more thing I want to add. As my husband and I were talking last night, something came out of my mouth that I hadn't really thought of before and it really has penetrated in me since last night. I believe God spoke it through me because it came out of nowhere and my husband even took pause when I said it.

I basically said that if we are this miserable when we feel God has distanced himself from us, doesn't that say a lot about how strong our bond is with Him? What a great gauge for us to know where our relationship with God is. That gave me hope really right where I needed it. I need to know the bond is still in tact, even if I feel otherwise. Because on the contrary, if I didn't really give a second thought to feeling a distance from God in my life, that should say I obviously haven't have enough fellowship with Him to notice the difference.

I think I feel some hope rising...