I'll explain the "Rudy" picture further down.
It seems like the past week or so, I've been at a loss for words as far as what to post on here. I know I don't have to put everything on here, but this is part of my journalling outlet, and I was thorougly enjoying the 1st few weeks of sharing what God was doing and such, my kids, etc, but then I just kinda hit a funk. I guess what I feel I've had over the past week or so could be deemed "blogger's block" :). Who knows.
I can't say that my spiritual life has necessarily been at a halt or anything, because I've had many visits with God lately that have been fruitful to some degree. My quiet times are becoming more frequent than ever, and that's a huge praise. But there wasn't something defining for me really that has happened. Just some moments of needing to completely depend on him to get me through some stuff. I know we all have to learn to just keep doing what God asks of us and not always expect some Damascus road experience. But as they say, we all like microwave responses sometimes, don't we. And maybe I've just been a little frustrated, which making it about me. God is not a genie in a bottle, is he? And I think I just got impatient especially today and decided to just do whatever my flesh wanted and boy does that mess things up.
So today, toward the late afternoon, I could almost declare this day a complete disaster as far as my ability to make any right choices. I was pretty down on myself because of it by the evening.
The week started off good. I had my week this week pretty planned out. I decided to spend Monday and yesterday doing fun things with my kids for Spring Break, which involved putting aside all the household duties and taking my kids out of the house. I've become quite the homebody so getting out 2 days in a row for a large portion of my day is quite an accomplishment for me. But I had planned to get caught up last Sunday with laundry and stuff, and then today I'd jump back in and catch up on what didn't get done around here the last few days. And man, it's amazing what two days of little housework can do. Therefore, I woke up this morning overwhelmed and then the fleshy side of me became very strong and I rebelled against it all, and what came with that was me not wanting to be "mommy" either, therefore came through the day doing minimal things of value. I spent way too much time on the computer, not enough time with my kids, and minimal time with the household stuff.
I then sat down this evening and flipped through the channels and came across the last 10 minutes of an all time favorite movie of mine, "Rudy". Man, I love that movie! I cry at the end every time, even when I haven't seen the rest of the movie beforehand. And it's great that it's a true story. I'm a sucker for those kind of true stories. This guy had everything going against him when he was trying to pursue his dream, and even his own family was against him. Yet he knew what he wanted and never gave up. I realized that I know the ultimate thing I want to pursue is Jesus Christ, but I want to give up on Him way to easily too much. At least, that's what the enemy and the world pursuade me to do. So I must not want it bad enough. But the difference is between me and Rudy, is Christ already has pursed us through the cross, though we aren't worthy by any standards, He came to us first. Football coaches never wanted anything to do with Rudy. And the least I can do is want Jesus as wholeheartedly as He wants me. I told God tonight that I want to want Him as bad as He wants me. Is that possible? It doesn't hurt to ask. But if it is, it can only happen through Him. So therefore, I have to abide in Him constantly. My mind just has such a hard time grasping all of it and trusting that it's the only way to go. I have to remind myself about who my identity is in Christ, not by what I do, or what the world says I am, etc. We just have to want the right thing as our goal, but we have to want it bad enough to receive all the Christ has already done for us. Because what He has done to reach us is already finished. Now, for me to embrace it fully.
I read something tonight in my quiet time as well that I hope to post tomorrow. It was so timely as far as how my day turned out. God knows how to prepare us for Him to speak directly to us, doesn't he? If today hadn't turned out like it did, I wouldn' t have received it the same. So cool!
It involves this scripture verse:
"You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2
To be continued...