So I'm still trying to chew on what God showed me the other night in my "Praying the Names of God" book, that spoke so personally to me. It covered a few different ways that the name "Lord" is interpreted in the Hebrew translation. One being Yahweh, other being Adonai. The latter one is a more relational interpretation of our Lord, but then the author went into our servanthood toward our Lord. Why we are to be servants and what our response should be to our role as a servant.
A very large percentage of being a wife and mother entails being a servant. And I run into feeling bitter about that part of my role quite often these days. I know it's wrong yet no matter how much I don't like to be bitter, it creeps in almost daily. And the battle I fight in that is just draining in itself. Which in turn just makes me not want to do anything on those days like I had Wednesday. I know the moms that read this can probably relate. But what it really boils down to, is that I'm wanting gratitude and thanks from those I'm serving, and as we know, it just never works that way, does it? Most people on the outer circle from our families are good at being greatful for what's done for them, so it's easy to want to do things for those outside of our families. But I guess it's just a different dynamic within our families. It's kinda sad, but it's just that way I guess. And truthfully, I just personally need to get over my constant need for gratitude and appreciation, because it's not ever gonna be enough, and it's not about me anyways, is it?
Jesus teaches in Luke 17:7-10 about the heart of a servant and the response they should have in regards to their duty given to them. Which is basically humility and not expecting anything in return for what God or anyone has asked of us. We aren't earning anything. We are merely giving back to him for what Has already done for us.
So in light of that, I am going to recall and count some blessings that God has given me over time, and give a word of thanksgiving to Him who has done more for me than I could ever earn or deserve.
- God has provided me a husband who loves me more than I deserve, who has stuck with me through all of my shortcomings, and unpredictable emotions. I have not been thankful enough, either, that Tim allows me to be home with my kids, when I know I don't deserve that sometimes.
- God has never allowed us to miss a meal in our lifetime, nor be without transportation, or without a roof over our heads, no matter how thin our wallet got, which usually was from our own stupidity.
- He bore me into a loving, supportive family, and gave me a supportive, stable upbringing. That is unfortunately becoming less common in this lifetime.
- He plucked me out of a pit of deception and self-destruction that I had emersed myself in back in my post-high school days and then fulfilled my dream of becoming a wife and mom within 3 years after. Talk about redemption!
- I have 3 beautiful daughters that motivate me to keep moving forward each and every day. There was a time when I thought "1" was going to be our number of children after some infertility issues, which I'm sure would have been ok with me eventually, but God showed off big time when he eventually blessed me with 3. I know I need to keep reminding myself of that more often.
- And last, but of course, the most important, is that I have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus, and have an eternal destiny that is too vast, too big, and too joyful for my mind to even come close to conceiving. And that should be enough for me right there. If we only knew all that God has in store for us here on earth and in heaven.
That is just the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the blessings God has given, and I could never have earned any of it. Nor can I earn what is to come. But I can still strive to do all that he asks of me, for one, as an act of obedience, but I think more importantly, as a thank offering for the grace and blessing over my life that has been so freely given.
Just a side note, I like what Elizabeth said in response to my last post. "Progress, not perfection". Thank you, E, I really needed to hear that. My perfectionistic expectations is what paralyzes me a lot of the time.